Turn Back Time
by NettieC
Summary: There are many times in life we wish we could turn back time.  Sadly, this usually comes late.  Complete!  Some will like the ending, some won't, if you have a chance, let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1

Monday 0800  
Harm's Office

Harm walked into his office, threw his cover onto the shelf and sat down at his desk with a heavy sigh.

'God, I hate Mondays,' he muttered to himself.

'Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness,' Mac joked appearing at his door.

'So, what of it?' Harm asked bitterly. He wasn't in the mood for idle chat or friendly banter and he certainly wasn't in the mood for Mac.

'I'm sorry,' replied Mac apologetically. 'Is there something wrong?'

'No,' he all but yelled.

'Are you sure? You just seem a little…' she began.

'A little what? Tired, irritated, peeved?' he spat out.

'Well, it's yes to all three,' he answered himself. 'So unless there is something you need, you know where the door is.'

'No,' said Mac quite hurt. 'I just wanted to say hi.'

'Well, hi and bye.' Harm put his head down and Mac knew the exchange was over.

Wednesday 1430  
Mac's Office

Since their less than friendly conversation on Monday morning, Mac had kept clear of Harm. He obviously didn't want anything to do with her and Mac was more than willing to give him the space he needed. Bud knocked on the door interrupting her thoughts.

'Excuse me, ma'am,' he said quietly.

'Yes Commander Roberts,' she replied without looking up.

'Ma'am, are you okay?'

'Yes Commander, why do you ask?'

'Well, one, you keep calling me Commander, it's normally Bud. Two, you don't seem to be talking to too many people and, three, Commander Rabb and you …' he trailed off.

'Well, one, if you insist on calling me Colonel, now that you are a Commander, I'll call you Commander. Two, I've been very busy and, three, Commander Rabb is not overly happy with me for reasons I am unaware of and at this stage I am keeping my distance.'

'Oh,' said Bud.

'Oh, what?'

'Oh, um, ah.' Bud was hiding something.

'Commander Roberts, what do you know?'

'Nothing, ma'am, really.'

'Bud!!!'

'Well Mac, read this.' He handed her a memo from General Cresswell to all staff regarding staff changes. As of the following week Harm would be TAD to The Pentagon – duration unknown.

'What will he be doing there?' asked Mac re-reading the memo.

'Paperwork mainly.'

'That's not Harm – he'll hate it.'

'I believe he requested it Mac.'

'Why on earth would he do that?'

'I don't know. I tried to ask but he just yelled at me.'

'Well, I'll try then.'

With that Mac walked out of her office and into Harm's without knocking and then shut the door.

'Do you want to explain this?' Mac said throwing the memo on the table.

'Yeah, it's a memo from Cresswell,' he said, amused at his own joke.

'That's not what I meant. What about the TAD?'

'I'm off to The Pentagon.'

'Why?'

'Because I've been assigned there.'

'Harm, it's paper warfare there – you'll hate it.'

'I'll live.'

'Why on earth would you choose to do it though?'

'I have my reasons.'

'Harm, it's just not you. You'll hate the paperwork and you'll hate the politics. You'll hate it all.'

'No more than I hate it here. I hate everything about this place.' He stormed out and once again their exchange had concluded.


	2. Chapter 2

Friday 0730

Conference Room

General Cresswell surveyed his group of officers in front of him. It was a group of highly respected, skilled and talented lawyers and officers that surrounded him. His life should have been much easier than it was. His officer group was not getting on for reasons he had not quite figured out. He had reluctantly conceded to Harm's TAD request because he felt a change, albeit temporary, might just be what they all needed.

'Let's get started,' he said passing on handouts to his staff. 'There's not much to cover. The first matter is the distribution of Commander Rabb's cases. Commander Rabb?'

'Sir, I have concluded the paperwork on completed cases and Lieutenant Taylor has them to file. There are two cases currently at trial – Ensign Woods and Petty Officer Lewis. Bud is second chair on both cases so I have handed the files to him. There are also several open cases, I have them here so you can hand them on to my replacement.'

'Thank you, Commander Rabb, very efficient. I'm sure they'll appreciate it at The Pentagon. We wish you all the best during your TAD.'

Mac sat there completely bewildered. Harm plus paperwork equalling efficiency was not normally a workable equation. She tried to suppress a vocalisation that was a mixture of humour and surprise at the General's comments.

'Something amusing, Colonel?' he asked.

She looked around her at all the deadpan faces. 'No sir, just a tickle in the throat,' she lied and then coughed for good measure.

'Very well.'

The meeting progressed and when it ended Mac returned to her office at a loss. She couldn't figure out when, how or why her relationship with Harm had changed from one of deep friendship to this, whatever it was, at the moment. She flicked through her desk calendar but it yielded no answers.

A soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.

'Mac, hey there.'

'Hi Sturgis.'

'Sorry to interrupt you.'

'No, it's okay. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I was trying to organise a get together for Harm tonight at Benzinger's. You coming?'

'No, I don't think so.'

'Why not?' Sturgis was surprised.

'Harm obviously has a problem with me. He isn't speaking to me, when he does he is rude and treats me like I'm nothing. I don't know what I'm supposed to have done.'

Finally the stress of the week caught up with her and tears cascaded down her cheeks before she could stop them.

'Mac, don't cry,' said Sturgis moving in and closing the door.

'Oh, I'm not cry…' she began to say and then realised that she was. 'Damn him!'

'Look, I'm sure whatever it is Harm will get over it. He just hasn't been himself lately.'

Mac went to reply but deep feelings of confusion and sadness washed over her and despite her best efforts she began sobbing in Sturgis' arms.

The door opened suddenly and Harm appeared.

'Mac, do you have the…' he began before taking in the situation.

'What's wrong?' he asked genuinely concerned. It took a lot to make Mac cry, especially in front of others.

'Nothing,' she said wiping her face with the Kleenex Sturgis offered. 'What do you need?'

'Don't worry about what I need. What's going on? Mac? Sturgis?'

'Nothing that concerns you,' she said as coldly as she could. 'Thank you Sturgis, I appreciate, well, you know.'

'Anytime, Mac,' Sturgis smiled and winked at her before excusing himself.

'You needed something, Commander Rabb, what is it?'

'The Law Journal you borrowed last month. I just wanted to know if you have finished with it.'

'Yes I have.' Mac picked it up from her desk and handed it to him politely suppressing the urge to roll it up and belt him with it.

'Anything else, Commander?'

'Ah, no that's it. Thanks.'

She sat back down and opened a file on her computer. Harm stood there a while longer.

'Something else?' she asked without looking at him.

'You're my friend and I'm worried about you. You don't normally cry and …'

'You…worried about me?' she asked incredulously, standing up. 'You bastard, after everything you've said and done to me this week you still have the nerve to consider us friends.'

'But Mac...'

'But Mac, nothing. I'm not your doormat. You can't walk all over me and then expect everything to be alright. I don't know what happened with us – with you. Things haven't been right for a while and I try to talk to you and you treat me like crap.'

'But Mac…'

'No, I'm not interested in excuses and as for us being friends I think you put an end to that yourself.'

'But Mac…'

'But Mac, but Mac… Is that all you can say?'

'No.'

'Well?'

'You wouldn't understand.'

'You never explained it.'

'Can I explain now?'


	3. Chapter 3

Mac took a deep breath. Ten years of friendship were at stake. If she said yes they might survive this hurdle. If she said no then it was all over.

'Go ahead,' she finally said.

Harm sat in the chair across from her and lowered his head. He spoke in quiet, hushed tones and explained to Mac how he had become increasingly disillusioned with his career and his life at JAG, how his personal life was going nowhere and how he truly felt like he was drowning in the swamp that had become his life.

Mac listened with some degree of empathy. She too had been experiencing similar feelings. She too had wanted to flee JAG in search of something more fulfilling. As she listened she felt her heart begin to soften, maybe there was hope for their friendship yet.

Harm continued talking, finding the whole experience quite cathartic. He knew he had won Mac over and he was pleased with this. Then he added one more comment and completely blew their relationship out of the water, once and for all.

'And I'm so lonely. I've got no one. I've got nothing in my life.'

And that was it. He had said he had no one, nothing; ergo Mac was no one, nothing to him. She moved around towards him. Harm, realising what he had said, tried to back pedal but it was to no avail. He knew the consequences of his words and for a brief moment, as Mac approached him, he truly thought she would hit him. He knew full well he deserved it.

Instead, she surprised him by extending her hand. He took it and she shook his hand firmly.

'Well, Commander Rabb, it has been an experience working with you. I wish you all the very best at The Pentagon.' She released his hand, grabbed her bag and cover and walked out, head held high. He wasn't going to get the better of her.

Harm stood in the doorway of her office in disbelief. Ten years of friendship, so many of them he had spent in love with her, had ended with a simple handshake and statement. He watched her walk to the elevator and press the button. She seemed so calm and controlled that his pain escalated.

'What's going on?' Bud asked coming to Mac's door.

'I think I just ended my friendship with Mac.'

'Why the hell did you do that?'

'I don't know, I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened.'

'You stupid bastard,' Bud said more to himself than aloud as he watched Mac get into the elevator.

'What?' Harm reeled around.

Bud realised his comment had been audible. His first thought was to apologise but instead he repeated it. 'I said, 'you stupid bastard.''

'You're right, I am.' He ran to the stairwell and took the steps three at a time. He descended in record time and saw her walking across the car park.

'Mac! Mac!' he called to her. She either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him. 'Mac! Mac!' he called again. She kept on walking.

'Mac, please!!!' he screamed, not caring who was about. She stopped in her tracks.

_Good _he thought to himself, running to catch up with her.

'Mac, I just wanted to…'

'I don't want to hear it. You've said enough.' She took a step towards her car.

'Please,' he said trying to grab her arm.

She spun out of his grip. Her anger blinded her to anything but getting away from him and she took several steps towards her car and straight into the path of the Academy's bus there for a tour of the grounds. She never had a chance.

Harm sat bolt upright in bed. It had been the third time he'd had that dream and he didn't know what to make of it. He looked at his clock, 0327 stared back at him.

'Goddamn it, this needs to stop,' he muttered to himself.

He got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. After grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator he sat on the sofa. After a while he leant back and closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. His dreams were more peaceful and he muttered something to himself.

'Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness,' Mac said.

Harm opened his eyes and Mac was sitting on his coffee table dressed in sweats.

'Huh?' he replied groggily.

'You were muttering.'

'What are you doing here?'

'Well, that's nice. You invite me to go running with you, you con me into coming over here first and then you don't remember. And you call yourself my friend.'

'I'm sorry Mac. I really I am. I'm… I'm…' Harm was genuinely remorseful.

'Harm, it's okay,' Mac said concerned, patting his arm.

'No, no, it's not. I should be a better friend. I should be nicer to you. I should…I should…do a lot.'

'What's brought this on?'

'Nothing, I've just been thinking.'

'Oh, must have been a big occasion.' Mac laughed but Harm didn't.

'Go get changed Flyboy. You promised me a run and breakfast. Remember?'

'Yeah, I do.'

Within minutes Harm was changed and ready to go. Mac went to leave but he grabbed her arm.

'Mac, wait a minute. Look, I just need to say how much I appreciate our friendship. You mean so much to me and I know I don't say it often but our friendship means the world to me.'

'Wow! Thank you, Harm.' She was moved. 'Are you sure everything's alright? You're not sick or going away?'

'No, nothing like that, I just wanted you to know it because you never know what'll happen and I didn't want to regret not saying it.

'True, I could go and get hit by a bus,' she laughed and turned to the door.

Harm turned ghostly white. 'Yeah,' he muttered.

'Did you say some…?' Mac turned around and noticed his pallor. 'Harm?' She went to him.

'Harm, what's wrong?'

He shook his head, visions of the bus from his dream still racing through his mind, echoing her words. 'Harm, you look like you've seen a ghost?'

He put his arms around her and took the biggest chance of his life. He kissed her tenderly at first and when he realised she had responded, he kissed her deeper and deeper. Finally, Mac broke away.

'What was that for?'

'I couldn't live without you.'

'I'm not going anywhere.'

'Promise?'

'Yeah, I promise,' she replied softly before kissing him back.

There was no run that morning and the breakfast Harm had promised came in the form of breakfast in bed later that afternoon.


End file.
